I want to make a zoo with you.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
