kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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