i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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