My hand turned me down
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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