At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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