her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
