Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
