I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
