We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
