This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
