if you like me you must not know who I am
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
