Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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