When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You were trust falling into bushes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
