i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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