I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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