yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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