..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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