Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
