Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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