Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
