You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
