So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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