____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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