As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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