I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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