drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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