I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
