Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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