Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
