Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
