yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
