We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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