He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
