yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
