Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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