I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
