dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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