I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
