I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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