They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
