i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A+ Viking dick
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
