you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
