I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
