Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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