hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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