Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
