I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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