just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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