there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
