Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
